I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
