The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
