i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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