is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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