i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
