i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
How's work?
Spinning.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
