he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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