Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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