Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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