Pregnant stripper...not hot.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
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