hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
