ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
