wrigley field is MILF paradise
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
