hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
