Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
