Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
