Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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