You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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