Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
