i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
