I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
two words: eviction party
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize