Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i think im in europe. pls send help
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
