Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
