Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
