You really coming over, don't trick.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
