Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
