You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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