I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
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