I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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