i think my mom watched the whole time
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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