i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
What a dumb baby whore.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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