so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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