Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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