And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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