respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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