I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
