Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
