She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
