Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
