I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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