Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
When did angry sex become our thing?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
