What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
