I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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