I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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