you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize