next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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