Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
