have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
