One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm just crazy horny about you
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize