perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I will be naked everywhere
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
this hospital has no fireball
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize