I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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