Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
