So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
