Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
