i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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