a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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