You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
we should paint friendship bongs
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
