So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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