I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
