Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
