why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
