I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
