you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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