Im at strip club and am horny
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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