I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize
