so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
